How to spot a gaslighter, and what to do if you're the victim

Guest Author Published November 9, 2022 at 10.29am (AWST)

health

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation and abuse whereby the gaslighter employs a range of emotional mind games which is an intentional tactic to destabilise their intended victim.

As a victim it can be difficult to articulate or wrap your head around what is occurring due to the anxiety and chaos the gaslighter incites resulting in you questioning your own reality and or experience of event, all of which is an intentional action on their part in order to maintain control over you.

Why? Gaslighters aim to break down the victims trust within themselves and their reality so that they can sneakily gain control by increasing the trust and dependence the victim has in them as they no longer trust themselves.

Which is when the gaslighter has then perfected their craft as their victim is now questioning and unable to trust in themselves which increases the victims dependency on the gaslighter who is trusted to make decisions and or provide approval which becomes a cycle that can be both difficult to recognise and also to break.

Below is an overview of some techniques gaslighters employ to destabilise and manipulate to be on the lookout for:

Failure to acknowledge, minimising and or being dismissive of your concerns – “You’re not making sense, here we go again, what are you on about?”

Employing confusion leaving you to question your own recollection & participation during an incident, altercation or argument - “OMG, are you serious, I heard you say it/saw you do it, for once in your life just own it!

Denying an incident occurred in an attempt to further discredit your memory to avoid any responsibility – “Here we go again, you have to be kidding me!!! I never promised/said that!”
Proclaiming you are too sensitive when they are acting in hurtful or harmful manner towards you in an attempt to condition you to believe that your responses/feelings are invalid – “Nobody else finds me direct or offensive, gosh you are sensitive! What a sook, harden up – you are embarrassing yourself!”

Gaslighting is such a vile and menacing form of manipulation that flourishes on the uncertainty it unleashes over the victim who starts to feel emotional stable and may withdraw from those around them as they being to question their beliefs, feelings and memory recall.

I need to emphasise that there is no shame if you have been gaslit or experiencing gas lighting behaviours as these individuals are truly master manipulators and anyone can be drawn into their web of deceit.

If you think you may be experiencing gaslighting, please stop second-guessing yourself and be discredited by another, instead I encourage you to reach out to those you trust and check in with them.

Please talk them through what you are experiencing to seek a neutral perspective as the insight of another will definitely assist to provide context and allow you to take appropriate action.

Hope, this article has shed some light on gaslighting?

I highly recommend where appropriate to seek professional assistance as it is a valuable tool to sit with an objective trained professional who will not only support you to unpack the confusion, anxiety and negative emotions you may be experiencing but they will also provide coping strategies to rebuild your sense of self, resilience and confidence to take your life back.