Xavier Savage has put on a brave face since 2021.
The Birri Gubba, Gungganyji and Torres Strait Islander man rugged up in Canberra's chilly winter for much of the season outside of running up and down the rugby league field while always missing home.
"It doesn't get easier," Savage, having grown up in the balmy tropics of Cairns, explains to the documentary crew for Kulpiyam: The Xavier Savage Story which is currently being shown on Kayo Sports during the NRL Indigenous Round.
"You just get mentally stronger."
This season Savage has cemented his spot in a Canberra Raiders side during the club's best year since reaching the 2019 NRL grand final.
That could get better as the Raiders look to secure the minor premiership before launching at this year's NRL finals series.
Yet the 23-year-old has struggled with homesickness while away from family.
At first, rugby union momentarily blocked Savage's road at the strong Brisbane GPS school to a rugby league dream, but that speed bump was never going to prevent him from reaching his ultimate goal.
He just needed space on the left wing, and the rugby league scouts would in time be coming.
Savage did his chances no harm after running 10.95 to win the 100-metre Queensland under-17 schools' athletics final.
But six years on, Savage credits his mum, Erica, for keeping the Raiders versatile outside back focused on the long-term goal, while coach Ricky Stuart bears the responsibility of supporting him in a place he is often far from comfortable.
Pondering that thought brings Stuart to tears, nurturing his player whose culture and family comes as far north as the separate Erub and Badu Islands on either side the Torres Straits.
"When you talk to most players today, if you say, 'What are you playing for?', it's family, where really family has to come second," Stuart says.
"If you're going to commit 100 per cent to your preparation, family unfortunately has to come a second, if you're going to reach the heights.
"I know my family had to come second a lot.
"Unfortunately, that's the way it has to be."
Reflecting on Savage's journey in the documentary, the hard-nosed Stuart becomes quite emotional.
"With Xavier, I need them (his family) to trust me," Stuart says.
"To trust someone else with your kid … is a big thing."
That does not mean there has not been some "tough days" for Stuart.
At one stage he was more like a headmaster at a boarding school putting up with Savage's lack of professionalism.
"A year ago, I had a gutful," Stuart says.
"Xavier wasn't helping Xavier – he wasn't fair to the people around him (and) he also wasn't fair to some of those who were very close to him.
"He was taking shortcuts and not doing the right things off-field."
Stuart was forced to ride Savage hard before his talent started to to shine through at Canberra Stadium.
It came to a head after he was returning from a broken jaw.
"I finally came back from that (broken jaw), working so hard to get back on the field and then I had these hamstring injuries," Savage admits.
"I had one and then I came back and did another one.
"I was playing pretty much 'poor me' and not wanting to put in the work to get back out there."
Savage had to remember what, or whom, he was playing for outside of the famous lime green jersey.
The solitude came over dreaming of home, a life that he misses, but carries his inner strength outside of fast time trials and the trusty, chilly Raiders gym.
Savage revealed in the early days he was shipping dugong and turtle meat from the Far North to Canberra to survive.
He returned north with handpicked troubled Raiders teammates, Hudson Young and Englishman Morgan Smithies, who were involved in a scuffle in a Las Vegas hotel during their trip for the NRL season-opening round this year to meet their teammate's family and giving the once embarrassed pair a better perspective on life.
"It's definitely like a big deep breath sort of feeling, being surrounded by so much love, being home is where I'm probably the happiest and the calmest," Savage says.
Talking to members of his Aboriginal and Torres Strait family sitting under the trees of a Cairns public park with his two stoic teammates by his side, an emotional Savage lays his homesickness out to bare.
"I didn't know if it was gonna be enough to show these boys our culture and sometimes, I just feel like I'm not too connected, but you remind me that I am," an emotional Savage said.
"I try not to get too caught up in the busy lifestyle me and these boys go through.
"That's something I'm working on, being better with staying in touch with you.
"But just know that I'm always thinking about you and missing you.
"I probably don't talk as much because when I do, I start to miss home a lot, so I try and keep distance a bit."
