Last year Kevin ‘07 arrived to save the world, and as ‘08 rolls on, his government continues to work its magic. But GRAHAM RING* wonders if people are beginning to tire of the tricks.
Here in Godzone we are blessed with a fabulous climate. Most of us have reasonably good incomes. And many choose to work hard to maximise their moolah, so that they can enjoy the good life if there’s any time left over.
Interest in politics is often limited to ensuring that government policy is consistent with increased material well-being for ourselves and our nearest and dearest.
Beyond that it’s all a bit esoteric.
We’d prefer to turn to the sports pages to check out the most recent results.
Well, here’s the latest score-line from the big game in the Northern Territory: Rudd Government 1 - Human Rights 0.
Yeah I know I’ve been belly-aching about the injustices of the federal intervention for a good while now. But I was living in Alice Springs last year when the grit hit the fan, so I’ve taken it all a bit personally.
It wasn’t just a big newspaper story for me. I had too much direct contact with people who were being discriminated against and disadvantaged to get caught up in the excitement of it all.
It rankles with me that Prime Minister Howard and his curmudgeonly crew had been sitting on their hands for over 10 years, watching Indigenous Australia slide down the gurgler.
Then, in a fit of panic triggered by an unwinnable election, they twitched.
Mr Howard’s prime ministerial predecessor may well have described what followed as “throwing the switch to vaudeville”.
After years of pedestrian and ineffective ‘practical reconciliation’ there was suddenly colour and movement aplenty.
Important sounding military phraseology was invoked. There was to be ’stabilisation’ and ‘normalisation’. Radiation suits would be supplied to all hands, and people would sing the national anthem on the hour, every hour.
It was, after all, an emergency.
But the disaster/catastrophe/damn nuisance would be fixed in a jiffy. The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding to the rescue.
Bollocks, I thought. The electorate won’t wear this. The True Believers in the ALP will go ballistic, and the Menzies liberals will make little clucking noises of disapproval with their tongues against the roof of their mouths.
Well… I was wrong.
The suspension of the Racial Discrimination Act and the imposition of unilateral welfare quarantining are part of the landscape now.
However, there is a distinctly unwholesome undertone of “it’s for their own good” about this downmarket diet of tough love.
On the back of the packet it says that this tucker can safely be fed to blackfellas in the bush.
But the cooks in the kitchen cabinet wouldn’t dare serve up this swill to voters in marginal electorates in Melbourne, or swinging seats in Sydney.
Voters react very badly to being patronised by governments and tend to respond with ballot-box beatings.
So trampling over human rights is best confined to the far-flung corners of the country, particularly if the damage can be limited to a single seat.
The Miracle of Kevin ‘07 isn’t looking quite so flash now, as his triumph of ’style over substance’ threatens to deflate in ‘08.
Things is crook. Interest rates are going up, housing stats are going down. The US economy is wobbling like a patron leaving Iguana Joes after a big night, and the godless commies are cranking things up in China.
It is, in short, an emergency.
And it gets worse.
There are too many Kyoto whales in the southern ocean and their bottom-burps are causing the water temperature to heat up and melt the polar ice caps.
The dog has eaten the climate control, so we’re all cactus.
The government must act.
In keeping with the ‘hand is quicker than eye’ principle, I propose the Smoke and Mirrors Bill 2008, under which:
• People over two metres in height will be required to wear their undies on their heads when the moon is full.
• People with surnames beginning with Z who live in towns with a population of less than 3,000 will be forcibly detained on Wednesday afternoons.
• People with red hair and green eyes will be permitted to eat only apples and sultanas after sunset. With their feet.
These are extraordinary measures. But these are also extraordinary times. Our very way of life is under threat. The sky is falling.
Okay, so it’s random and arbitrary. No, it won’t do anything to alleviate the problem it is ostensibly designed to address.
And, yes, it will cause hardship and loss of dignity for Australian citizens.
But it’s a trick that’s worked before.
ringy@nit.com.au
* Graham Ring is a fortnightly NIT writer and columnist. After a stint in Alice Springs, he’s soon to move to Darwin.
Loading ...